When You're Relationship is Stuck, It's Time to Consider the Overlooked 50%

As goes life, it would so much easier if you could simply 'refuse delivery' when problems showed up in your relationships... you know, just 'return to sender' and move on. Sounds so simple, doesn't it?


Over the past five years, I have the opportunity to dive deep with spouses, partners and families to help sort through emotional entanglements (in case you've never heard that phrase before, it means "a difficult situation or relationship that is hard to escape from").


I have to admit, this actually applies to my personal life as well.


Although the thought of 'return to sender' sounds and feels appealing at times, there's a truth to be told. Most interactions, whether they are successful or painful, joyful or frustrating, require two participants. This is the 'Overlooked 50%,' in other words... what does my half of the issue look like? What am I responsible for? How did I contribute to getting here?


When things get tough and emotional warfare begins, it's easy to place blame on everyone but yourself. In divorce proceedings it's always one spouses fault. When teens behave badly, parents tend to blame friends, school or teachers. In therapy when people hurt, it's almost impossible for them to see their role in it all.. their own 50%.


We humans are beautifully complex and wonderfully made, aren't we? As little children we make so many quick decisions about the harsh or kind words that are spoken, with little thought to their consequence. This is where labels get applied: you're not pretty enough, you're not athletic enough, you're not tall enough, you're not smart enough. In so many ways people are told, and often come to believe, that in essence, they are just not enough.


The simple truth is you are not responsible for the programming you received in childhood. As an adult, however, you are 100% responsible for fixing the behaviors your programming created.


Stop looking the other way and choosing to place blame. Instead look inside. Only there will you discover that you actually have incredible opportunities to learn and grow, from digging down into all the hidden places you may have simply overlooked. It takes commitment and courage, but believe me, it's worth the effort.


Much love, Carla


63 views0 comments